


How about a soulmate?

by Leliane



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmates, Wincest - Freeform, non-related, two versions of same story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 01:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16295927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leliane/pseuds/Leliane
Summary: Sam doesn't like the idea of soulmates for philosophical reasons. He still tries to find his. And he was never more right than with his opinion on soulmates...





	1. Version 1

**Author's Note:**

> The thoughts that Sam formulates at the beginning of the story are what went through my head reading soul-mate stories. So I tried to turn them into a story. It is not really a story though, more like snippest forming a more or less coherent piece of work. 
> 
> The first version was with them being brothers and separated as kids. I found it very sad and really worth of an epos, but I can't write such a long story, I am too impatient and slow as a writer. So I changed it to them being not related. You find the first version in the first chapter and the second version in the second chapter. You can read them both or only either of them... (They are very similar so it might be a bit repetitive if you read both). 
> 
> And if someone felt inspired to turn my snippets into the epos it deserved to be, I would be ecstatic.

_What’s a soul mate?_

 

„The most common theory about the origin f soul mates is that millions – or thousands – of years ago some souls were split in half. They were from now on condemned to look for their other half. To help them, a divine being gave some fortunate people a lead in the form of the soul mark.

 

Most people stupidly think of this as romantic, two halves who find each other and complete each other. What people don’t get is that if a soul gets split into half, the both halves logically are polar opposites. Why does everyone assume you automatically have a good relationship with someone who is in every way completely different than you? It doesn’t make sense. Get this, most studies find that non-soul mate-couples are actually happier in their relationships. So why wait for a soul mate?

 

Of course, it is also possible that many soul mates are unhappier than they could be because movies, books and all other media tells us all the time that a soul bond should be perfect and two soul mates should hear violins when they kiss or their eyes meet. And when then that doesn’t happen they are disappointed. Or maybe they don’t think they should or could invest some work in their relationship and make it better. And to think that a relationship is just magically good because it’s ‚the one’ and your soul mate is just naive. Soul bonds don’t need less work than another relationship, but more, because you have to find a way to deal with a person intimately and on a daily basis even though this person represents everything you yourself are not.“

 

Sam took a deep breath, done with his little speech for now. Generally, he didn’t meet with much understanding for his attitude with other people. Somehow, nobody seemed able to follow his reasoning although he found it very obvious.

 

„You just say that because you haven’t found your soul mate yet.“ And wasn’t that what everyone always said! „As soon as your bond will be there, you will feel differently.“ Garth, Sam’s friend who had listened to his rant patiently, was a hopeless optimist and a devoted lover to every one of his girlfriends. Garth, however, didn’t have a soul mark. He would have made an excellent soulbonded, but as it was, he could only enjoy relationships without a bond and although he enjoyed them – heart eyes and silly pet names included -, deep in his heart he envied Sam for the potential of having more.

 

Sam, on the other hand, had only ever suffered in love because of his soul mark. His college girlfriend had broken up with him after four years because she was convinced that sooner or later he would cast her aside for his soul mate. When he tried to convince her that he didn’t even want his soul mate, she said what everyone said: „You are just saying that because you haven’t met them yet.“ Ironically, Sam still hadn’t found his soul mate, whereas Jess, his former girlfriend, was pregnant with her third child.

 

After Jess there had only been short affairs and one-night-stands. Well, there had been Ruby, but that was a lot of fire and little amber, a lot of drugs and little love. Then, after many years, there had been Amelia with whom Sam saw a future. She had a soul mate, had been married to him and had lost him to war. It seemed a perfect match – until the dead husband came back. And of course, it was Sam who had to leave.

 

Sam felt himself cursed with a soul mark instead of blessed and sometimes he wished that stupid mark would disappear. But it stayed on his chest, stubbornly, etched into his skin in deep black.

 

The black color was mocking him every day when he looked into the mirror. Because soul marks were only black after you had met your soul mate. He must have met his soul mate when he was a baby, because he didn’t remember it ever having had another color. But even that hadn’t stopped others – even the few women who had seen him naked – from assuming he would still find them and fall in love.

 

Sam was 34 now and all but given up any hope of ever finding someone he could build a life and have a family with. In his own eyes he wasn’t bitter, he didn’t miss his soul mate, he didn’t feel rejected or alone. He was just frustrated that the mark scared everyone off and didn’t believe that meeting his soul mate would change anything. His friend Garth didn’t exactly agree with that view. And so he hoped to manipulate his friend to actually become happy.

 

„Even if you are polar opposites, as you say, the true love and support through everything still remains the same. Such a security no one else can experience.“ Sam shook his head, hardly believing the naive nonsense that came out of his friend’s mouth.

 

„How would you know? It’s not as if you are in soul bond.“ That was a rude thing to say, but Garth wasn’t bothered, because this sentence gave him the opening that he needed.

 

„You could try and find out for yourself which one of us is right. Test it...“ Sam’s beer bottle stopped on the way to his mouth and over his nose there was an adorable wrinkle. Garth knew he had raised the other’s curiosity. Maybe he could make the stubborn man find happiness after all.

 

„How?“

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Where’s the soul mate?_

 

The soul mate registration organization (SRO) was an international non-profit organization dedicated to help soul mates worldwide to find each other. At least that is what Sam read on their website. He was a bit skeptical still if he truly wanted to do this when he stepped through the door of the modern, non-descriptive building. Despite the romantic notion that was around everything related to soul mates, the offices here were all clean surfaces and straight lines with only few and very subtle decorative elements. It helped him calm down a little – if there had been hearts and roses he would probably have fled, Garth be damned.

 

Sam was asked to wait in a very bland office where he could do nothing but stare at a white wall for almost ten minutes. They had already taken a picture of his soul mark and had him answer a questionnaire. Now they were checking if his soul mate was registered. The chances were high, as a lot of people chose to do so as soon as they became 18 to heighten their chances of finding „him“ or „her“. There were also instances in which a registration was mandatory – when you migrated out of your home country, for single mothers and criminals. Sam found especially the first two discriminating, but again, he felt pretty alone with that opinion.

 

A little energetic woman entered the room and held out her hand to be shaken. „Mr. Wesson.“ Sam got up and greeted her, a little awkward, because he felt almost twice the size of her. „I have to say, we do not get a registration like yours every day. After all, you already met your soul mate“, she stated while opening his folder.

 

„That must have been when I was a baby, because it has always been black.“ Most people met their soul mate young, but usually not so young they couldn’t remember.

 

„Well, if you were a baby, that would explain why you didn’t feel a connection. Anyway, you are here now and I have good news for you.“ She smiled brightly, unaware that Sam’s stomach just dropped. If they hadn’t found anyone, he could have given up the whole experiment. He nervously tucked his long hair behind his ear, a habit he was hardly aware of. Somehow, he didn’t want this to progress any further, didn’t want to hear the name, but the woman, happy to make someone happy, already told him.

 

„His name is Dean Winchester, handsome fellow. Unfortunately he was registered when he was arrested for fraud and suspected murder. Only two months ago, like destiny.“ She smiled brightly at him, while Sam couldn’t believe what he heard. Was she happy to tell him his soul mate was a criminal? He was a lawyer, for crying out loud, he wanted to make partner one day – he didn’t want to have a criminal soul mate. Although it did prove his theory of soul mates being polar opposites. Destiny, indeed.

 

Unaware that someone could be bothered by anything about their soul mate the woman handed him the folder they had about Dean Winchester. Sam took it, numb and speechless. He wasn’t quite sure where to go from here.

 

 

_Who’s the soul mate?_

 

Sam was led into the little cell in state prison where he was about to meet his next client. It had taken a lot less convincing than he expected to get his boss to let him take on this case. Despite it being a hopeless case with no financial outcome, it had only taken the words „He is my soul mate“ to persuade his die-hard boss of letting him do this.

 

At first Sam had been a bit desperate with the case that was Dean Winchester. Not only had he confessed, he was cocky enough to begin his confession with the words: „I am Dean Winchester, 39, Aquarius. I like long walks on the beach, sunsets and frisky women.“ Quite the way to look at a murder charge that could have him locked away forever.

 

Until Sam dug deeper. And began to see a way out of this mess. Now he was here to discuss his strategy with Dean, who didn’t even know he had a new lawyer. It didn’t take long for Dean to be brought in. When he entered the room it took Sam’s breath away for a second. But then the excitement was gone again, his brain came back online and he was ready to discuss the case. It didn’t seem that Dean was ready, though. Star struck might be the right way to describe it. The man stood frozen in place, with tears in his eyes, hitching breath and trembling lips.

 

„Mr. Winchester,“ Sam greeted.

 

„Sammy.“ For a second Sam was speechless. Dean knew him! Maybe he remembered how they met – after all, he was four years older. But how could he recognize him when he had been a baby back then? What Sam didn’t know, couldn’t feel, was that there was a bond between them that had formed when he was a baby. Dean could feel the connection even after all these years, he had never forgotten his Sammy, had never forgotten the pain that losing him brought.

 

„It’s Sam,“ Sam corrected him, not knowing what else to say.

 

„Sam, you have gotten big,“ Dean smiled proudly. He sat down carefully, unsure. Dean remembered how he had held baby Sammy in his arms when he was newborn. How their bond had formed, how he knew that this was the most precious person he would ever meet. He remembered how he carried Sammy out of their burning house, protecting him in his arms. And most of all he remembered how their Dad had given Sam away and how much he cried. He hadn’t eaten, cried his eyes out, yelled and screamed for days, until he run out of strength. After that all he felt was numb. He never cared about anything or anyone ever again, maybe with the exception of his substitute father Bobby. It was a mental protection to keep him sane and alive after a broken bond.

 

And now, even after all these years apart, the pain came back as if it had never gone away and he still couldn’t handle it. He knew this would not get better with drinking, violence, sex – or any of the other coping mechanisms he had learned from his father. After all, none of that had ever brought back the feeling of wholeness that seeing Sam did. He knew, looking at a fully grown Sammy who was alive and well, losing him again would kill him. And maybe, he wouldn’t mind.

 

„I have come here to help you get out of prison, if you’re interested,“ Sam opened.

 

„Did you bring a file?“ Dean knew his cocky smile was only for show, but Sam didn’t know him well enough to be able to tell. His soul mate’s brashness and smirk made him feel as awkward as he used to feel as a teenager, not sure how to react to it. He cleared his throat to regain his composure.

 

„No, but I checked your file and there are some things that don’t match up and that we could use to our – your, I mean your advantage.“

 

„You’re a lawyer?“ Dean’s eyes shone in pride. His little brother was truly smart, obviously. And a really good member of the society – unlike him.

 

„Yes. I graduated from Stanford.“

 

„Wow. I’m impressed.“ Poor Sam couldn’t tell if the other really meant it or just joked around. He hadn’t quite realized yet that the other adored the ground he walked on.

 

„Thank you. Are you interested to hear it?“ And while a stunned Dean listened with only half an ear to Sam talking about alibis and security footage and deals for fraud, Sam slowly felt a bond grow that he hadn’t known existed yet. And when he was done with his speech, he could see the love in his soul mate’s eyes and realized that he had begun to care as well, which was strange, as he hardly knew the other.

 

„So, do you agree to my plan?“ he asked a bit shaken.

 

„Only under one condition, Sammy.“

 

„It’s Sam,“ he corrected automatically. Dean ignored him.

 

„I want to stay with you.“ It was said with such a raw desperation that it gave Sam pause. Even though he had developed the beginning of a bond, he hadn’t quite realized the intensity of Dean’s feelings until now. He knew with a certainty he had hardly ever felt before that this man was prepared to burn the world down for him. „It almost killed me when Dad gave you away, I won’t survive that again.“

 

„Your Dad gave me away?“ Sam asked bewildered, not able to follow the other’s thoughts.

 

„Our Dad.“

 

 

 

_How’s the soul mate?_

 

In order to celebrate Dean’s release from prison Sam had prepared a romantic dinner at home: he planned to order pizza. To most people that wouldn’t exactly sound romantic, but Sam couldn’t cook. At all. He once managed to burn spaghetti, and those were cooked in water.

 

He might be crap as a cook, but he was great at his job. It had taken the lawyer a lot of work, but now Dean was looking at social service and parole, which had been almost unthinkable just a month ago. Despite everything this was probably going to further Sam’s career and fame as a man to achieve the impossible. He really couldn’t complain.

 

Sam had picked up Dean and driven straight home where they sat on the couch and looked at the pizza options. Sam had sat down with a space between them that he considered normal, but the space between them seemed to shrink until they touched nearly from shoulder to knee. It was as if Dean was hungry for every touch, but didn’t quite dare to reach out for some reason and therefore tried to be stealthy. Although stealth wasn’t exactly his strength. Sam considered scooting away, but then decided to indulge his soul mate and to not complain. He thought the desperate need for touch had something to do with their separation as kids and he was right about that.

 

Those last few weeks had been hard on Dean, sometimes seeing Sam in a cold and empty questioning room and then having to go back to his cell was devastating. Even more devastating than not knowing where he was or how he was. He had asked for a photo of him that he kept looking at all the time, much to the amusement of his cell mate Benny. Being reunited with his Sammy after all these horrible, lonely years Dean was determined to make the best of it. He didn’t know how to ask for anything, though. So he tried to be subtle, even though he knew he wasn’t good at subtle. He was grateful Sam didn’t seem to realize he was doing it.

 

„Were you happy when growing up?“ Sam looked up from the menu of his favorite pizza place, clearly bewildered by the question that came out of nowhere. But it had been bugging Dean for years and now he had the opportunity to actually ask – to know for sure.

 

„Yes,“ Sam said. He wasn’t sure if this answer was better than a no or worse. But Dean’s smile told him that it was the correct answer. „I never knew I was adopted.“

 

_That_ had come as a shock to him, to learn that he was adopted. His parents had never told him. Not when he was five and asked them why he didn’t look like them. His mother had explained that he was the spitting image of his grandfather and he had believed her although he himself didn’t see the similarity. They had neither told him when he was in a teenage rebellious phase and threw ‚I think I am not your son’ at his parents quite regularly.

 

Instead his parents had taken the knowledge to their grave when they died. In his endless grief and desperation at their loss he had fallen for Ruby and her illegal drugs and therefore sold everything valuable that his parents had owned, needing the money to feed his addiction, and destroyed the rest. He could kick himself now – he was certain he had thrown everything about the adoption into a fire in the backyard without having read it.

 

And now he was confronted with a brother whom he had never even known existed and who had gone through hell when they were separated – and afterwards, as much as Sam could tell about the way he grew up. It really made him want to be there for him, to give him the love and stability he obviously never had. The only problem was that he was not sure how to do that. Despite being soul mates, despite being brothers, he didn’t know much about Dean, only what he learned through the case and on the way home.

 

The whole ride in Sam’s prius his brother-soul mate had complained about the ‚shittiness’ of his car and lamented about ‚baby’ who was in a storage, a fact that bothered him greatly.

 

„No one puts Baby in a corner,“ he complained, looking truly upset.

 

„Dirty Dancing? Really?“ _Sam_ (who was the kind of guy who indulged girlfriends by watching chick-flick-movies and maybe enjoyed these movies a bit more than he admitted) didn’t really like the film and he couldn’t imagine that Dean, the tough macho-man, watched _Dirty Dancing_. It seemed his brother hid a softer side.

 

„Hey! Swayze always gets a pass,“ Dean defended himself with a raised finger and Sam had to hide a smile.

 

He didn’t hide it well enough for Dean to not see it and he was extremely pleased. There was nothing in the world that he would rather see than a happy and smiling Sam. He had loved baby-Sammy to the moon and back, even more so after he had carried him out of their burning house. To have lost him had broken something in him, something that might be able to heal through the adult Sam. It was a shame they had lost so much time and Dean was determined to make it up to both of them, but mainly Sam.

 

„I am sorry,“ Sam said, reaching out for Dean and caressing his face. Despite all his posturing Dean leaned into the simple touch.

 

„Why are you sorry?“

 

„I am sorry our father separated us. It must have been horrible on you...“ Dean’s face closed and Sam stopped talking.

 

„I don’t want to talk about that. Ever.“ Sam didn’t like that – he preferred to talk about things and resolve them. But he guessed Dean had never learned that when growing up. He didn’t know much about John Winchester, his own father, but he had given him away, separated his sons despite them being soul mates. That was cruel.

 

„I am glad you were happy when growing up,“ Dean said and his face was indeed happy.

 

„I wish you could have grown up happy, too,“ Sam answered.

 

„I am here now.“ In that moment Sam knew that no matter what would happen they would never separate. This felt more fundamental than any love declaration he had ever made and it felt more binding than any wedding oath could ever be.

 

„Now let’s choose a topping.“ This was how Sam learned one more thing about his soul mate Dean: He tended to avoid deep, soul-searching conversations, preferring beer and food. So he decided to forget their conversation and focus on their food.

 

It took them nearly fifteen minutes to agree on a topping, Sam preferring the healthy vegetable options and Dean favoring everything with meat. And their disagreements didn’t stop there. Dean ate like a swine, talking with an open mouth and almost spitting all over the table, which disgusted Sam. On the other hand Dean made fun of him for drinking light beer with less alcohol, obviously not a very manly choice. Sam tried to distract him by suggesting a movie and then they almost got into a fight over who was the better hero – Jet Li or Chuck Norris.

 

„It’s good I am here now, so I can teach you what is right. Better late than never,“ was Dean’s comment. Sam had never hated to be right more than in that moment. He and his soul mate were truly different in every aspect.

 

 

 

 

 

_Why a soul mate?_

 

It took them exactly two years to get into a fight that had them almost separated.

 

Sam had gotten ill, which was a bad start. It only went downhill from there. When he fell in a coma, Dean fell apart. He prayed, something he had not done since his mother had died, and tried to make a deal with any higher entity he could think of. When a doctor offered an experimental treatment it felt as if his prayer had been heard. Sam had very clearly stated that he didn’t want any experiments done on him, but in that moment Dean didn’t care about that. It was his Sammy-darling who lied there in a sickbed, fighting for his life, and losing. He would do whatever it took to save his life.

 

So Dean had signed the paper and the medicine helped Sam. Dean continued to give it to him secretly after his release of the hospital. And while Dean saw the medicine as a miracle, Sam saw his unprompted health as a miracle. Of course that secret could not be kept forever and it led to the most horrid fight ever and to Sam storming out of the room and walking away.

 

He felt betrayed, because, in all fairness, he had been lied to for weeks. A decision had been made that he wouldn’t have made that way. He was angry, really beyond himself, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt that way. Of course there had been Ruby, but she was not his soul mate, his brother, the love of his life, and the major pain in his ass.

 

After walking out in the rain for over an hour, Sam came to a horrifying conclusion. Before storming out of the house he had yelled something along the lines of „We shouldn’t be together“. The shock and hurt on Dean’s face had felt good at the moment, but now it made him feel nauseous. What if Dean took that as an invitation to leave? Theoretically Sam knew that Dean would never, could never leave him, that losing him would kill him – hence the whole business with the secret medicine. But now he realized that if Dean was really gone, it would kill him too. Maybe not physically, but he would never be able to love someone again.

 

Despite their constant fighting, their differences, the way Dean drove him crazy, he couldn’t imagine a life without him anymore. Dean was the constant in his life now, his home, his support and his warmth, even when they fought. He turned around and started to walk back to their house, finally falling into a run in order to get home faster.

 

He found Dean lying on his bed, with headphones on, obviously listening to one of the few bands he liked. He looked devastated, sad, and Sam felt sorry for having yelled at him, even though he was still mad at him.

 

He lied down beside his soul mate and linked their hands together. Dean gave him a grateful and relieved look, so Sam felt compelled to remind him: „I am still mad at you.“

 

„I know.“ They kept lying there for the entire night and it took them a few months until everything was back to the way it had been before. But through this experience Sam learned that he adored Dean despite all his quirks – the same few songs the entire time, the singing, the baby-talk about his car, the constant flirting with everyone, the unhealthy eating habits. In the end it didn’t really matter if they were different or not. Because even when they fought, even when Sam downright hated Dean and hurt over something, the thought of losing him was too much to bear. And he always found his way back to him.


	2. Version 2

_What’s a soul mate?_

 

„The most common theory about the origin of soul mates is that millions – or thousands – of years ago some souls were split in half. They were from now on condemned to look for their other half because without it they could never feel complete. They would always miss a part of themselves, like one would miss an amputated limb. To help them in their search, a divine entity or destiny itself gave some fortunate people a lead in the form of the soul mark.

 

Most people find the relationship between soul mates romantic. Two halves who have been separated for a long time, finally find each other and complete each other and love each other forever. What people don’t get is that if a soul gets split into half, the both halves logically are polar opposites. Why does everyone assume you automatically have a good relationship with someone who is in every way completely different than you? To think that a relationship is just magically good because it’s ‚the one’ or your soul mate is just naive. That assumption doesn’t make sense, actually the opposite makes sense.

 

Get this, most studies find that non-soul mate-couples are actually happier in their relationships. Of course, it is also possible that many soul mates are unhappier than they could be because movies, books and all other media tells us all the time that a soul bond should be perfect and two soul mates should hear violins when they kiss or their eyes meet. And when that doesn’t happen they are disappointed. But more probably is that they don’t think they should or could invest some work in their relationship and make it better, because, hey, it’s your soul mate. Romanticism aside, soul bonds don’t need _less_ work than another relationship, but _more_ , because you have to find a way to deal with a person intimately and on a daily basis even though this person represents everything you yourself are _not_.“

 

Sam took a deep breath, done with his little speech for now. Generally, he didn’t meet with much understanding for his attitude with other people. Somehow, nobody seemed able or willing to follow his reasoning although he himself found it very obvious and reasonable.

 

„You just say that because you haven’t found your soul mate yet.“ And wasn’t that what everyone always said! „As soon as your bond will be there, you will feel differently.“ Garth, Sam’s friend who had listened to his rant patiently, was a hopeless optimist and a devoted lover to every one of his girlfriends. Garth, however, didn’t have a soul mark. He would have made an excellent soulbonded, but as it was, he could only enjoy relationships without a bond and although he enjoyed them – heart eyes and silly pet names included -, deep in his heart he envied Sam for the potential of having more and found his friend’s bitter attitude towards the whole topic very ungrateful.

 

Sam, on the other hand, had only ever suffered in love because of his soul mark. His college girlfriend had broken up with him after four years because she was convinced that sooner or later he would cast her aside for his soul mate. When he tried to convince her that he didn’t even want his soul mate, she said what everyone said: „You are just saying that because you haven’t met them yet.“ Ironically, Sam still hadn’t found his soul mate, whereas Jess, his former girlfriend, was married and pregnant with her third child.

 

After Jess there had only been short affairs and one-night-stands. Well, there had been Ruby, but that was a lot of fire and little amber, a lot of drugs and little love. Then, after many years, there had been Amelia with whom Sam saw a future. She had a soul mate, had been married to him and had lost him to war. It seemed a perfect match – both had a soul mark, but they did not have their soul mate – until the dead husband came back. And of course, it was Sam who had to leave. That was the last time he bothered to even try.

 

Sam felt himself cursed with a soul mark instead of blessed and sometimes he wished that stupid mark would disappear. But it stayed on his chest, stubbornly, etched into his skin in deep black. He was 34 now and had all but given up any hope of ever finding someone he could build a life and have a family with. The idea to build that life and family with his soul mate had never even crossed his mind. His soul mate was probably the last person he would want to spend time with.

 

In his own eyes he wasn’t bitter, he didn’t miss his soul mate, he didn’t feel rejected or alone. He was just frustrated that the mark scared everyone off and he was convinced that meeting his soul mate wouldn’t change anything. His friend Garth didn’t exactly agree with that view. In his eyes Sam was fighting something that would make him happy and that would be good for him. And so he hoped to manipulate his friend to actually get what he needed.

 

„Even if you are polar opposites, as you say, the true love and support through everything still remains the same. Such a security no one else can experience.“ Sam shook his head, hardly believing the naive nonsense that came out of his friend’s mouth. Security, love and support? Why should his soul mate be the only one to be able to love him? Would it not be more logical to assume his soul mate would not love him?

 

„How would you know? It’s not as if you are in soul bond.“ That was a rude thing to say, but Garth wasn’t bothered, because firstly he knew his friend and that he didn’t mean it as an insult, and secondly because this sentence gave him the opening that he needed.

 

„You could try and find out for yourself which one of us is right. Test it...“ Sam’s beer bottle stopped on the way to his mouth and over his nose there was an adorable wrinkle. Garth knew he had raised the other’s curiosity. Maybe he could make the stubborn man find happiness after all.

 

„How?“

 

 

 

_Where’s the soul mate?_

 

The soul mate registration organization (SRO) was an international non-profit organization dedicated to help soul mates worldwide to find each other. At least that is what Sam read on their website. He was a bit skeptical still if he truly wanted to do this when he stepped through the door of the modern, non-descriptive building. Despite the romantic notion that was around everything related to soul mates, the offices here were all clean surfaces and straight lines with only few and very subtle decorative elements. It helped him calm down a little – if there had been hearts and roses he would probably have fled, Garth be damned.

 

Sam was asked to wait in a very bland office where he could do nothing but stare at a white wall for almost ten minutes. They had already taken a picture of his soul mark and had him answer a questionnaire. Now they were checking if his soul mate was registered. The chances were high, as a lot of people chose to do so as soon as they became 18 to heighten their chances of finding „him“ or „her“. There were also instances in which a registration was mandatory – when you migrated out of your home country, for single mothers and criminals. Sam found especially the first two discriminating, but again, he felt pretty alone with that opinion.

 

A small, but energetic woman entered the room and held out her hand to be shaken. „Mr. Wesson.“ Sam got up and greeted her, a little awkward, because he felt almost twice the size of her. „I have to say, we do not get a registration like yours every day. After all, you are already over 30 years old“, she stated while opening his folder. Sam felt a bit insulted by that, as if it was his fault for never having met his soul mate or as if he was obliged to register with that stupid organization as soon as he was of age.

„Anyway, you are here now and I have good news for you.“ She smiled brightly, unaware that Sam’s stomach just dropped. If they hadn’t found anyone, he could have given up the whole experiment. He nervously tucked his long hair behind his ear, a habit he was hardly aware of. Somehow, he didn’t want this to progress any further, didn’t want to hear the name, but the woman, happy to make someone happy, already told him.

 

„His name is Dean Winchester, a handsome fellow. Unfortunately he was registered when he was arrested for fraud and suspected murder. Only two months ago, like destiny.“ She smiled brightly at him, while Sam couldn’t believe what he heard. Was she _happy_ to tell him his soul mate was a criminal? He was a lawyer, for crying out loud, he wanted to make partner one day – he didn’t want to have a criminal soul mate. Although it did prove his theory of soul mates being polar opposites. Destiny, indeed.

 

Unaware that someone could be bothered by anything about their soul mate the woman handed him the folder they had about Dean Winchester. Sam took it, numb and speechless. He wasn’t quite sure where to go from here.

 

 

 

_Who’s the soul mate?_

 

Sam was led into a small interrogation room in a state prison where he was about to meet his next client. It had taken a lot less convincing than he expected to get his boss to let him take on this case pro bono. Despite it being a hopeless case with no financial outcome, it had only taken the words „He is my soul mate“ to persuade his die-hard boss of letting him do this.

 

At first Sam had been a bit desperate with the case that was Dean Winchester. Not only had he confessed, he was cocky enough to begin his confession with the words: „I am Dean Winchester, 39, Aquarius. I like long walks on the beach, sunsets and frisky women.“ Quite the way to look at a murder charge that could have him locked away forever.

 

For a few days he was tempted to forget the case and let his soul mate rot in prison. It seemed he deserved it and not having a soul mate was probably better than having a soul mate who lived in a high security facility. But then his natural curiosity took over and when he started to dig deeper into the life of Dean Winchester he began to see a way out of this mess. Now he was here to discuss his strategy with Dean, who didn’t even know he had a new lawyer.

 

It didn’t take long for Dean to be brought in. When he entered the room it took Sam’s breath away for a second. It was as if he was coming home, as stupid as that sounded. He had never met this man before, but it was as if he knew him already, as if they had spent their whole lives together. He took a deliberate deep breath to calm his nerves down and bring his brain back online. After a few seconds his heart calmed and he felt ready to discuss the case.

 

It didn’t seem that Dean was ready, though. Star struck might be the right way to describe it. Or head over heels in love maybe. The man stood frozen in place, with tears in his eyes, hitching breath and trembling lips.

 

„Mr. Winchester,“ Sam greeted.                          

 

„Sammy.“ For a second Sam was speechless. Dean knew his name! He had no idea how and why and where, but obviously they had met before.

 

„It’s Sam,“ Sam corrected him automatically, not knowing what else to say.

 

„Sam, you have filled out nicely.“ Dean smiled proudly while he sat down. It had been more than ten years ago that he had run into his soul mate, back then a young college student living with a pretty blonde girl. Dean had kept his distance though, convinced that this young man had a bright future ahead of him and that he would only ruin it. He ruined everything he came in touch with, screwed up as he was. Without him maybe his soul mate had the chance to be happy with the blonde girl.

 

„Have we met?“ Sam asked bewildered. Dean bit his lower lip unsure. How would Sam react to knowing they had met and he had kept his distance? Would he think it was because of something he did? That was not true, though. The reason was all Dean.

 

„We ran into each other a few years back. I saw your tattoo, but you didn’t even see me.“ Sam wondered how he could have overlooked someone that was so beautiful, but then again, there had been times when he was more often high than sober. Maybe that was why Dean had kept his distance. He probably didn’t want a druggie as soul mate.

 

„You didn’t say anything?“ Sam sounded small in his own ears and hated himself for that. He had never needed his soul mate in his life, so why was he upset about this guy not contacting him?

 

„I couldn’t,“ Dean said, his beautiful green eyes wide and hurt. „You were happy, you had a girlfriend, you went to college. I mean, look at me! I grew up in a car, I have not even ended high school, I am a mess. And I will probably spend the rest of my life in prison.“

 

„I have come here to help you get out of prison, if you’re interested,“ Sam offered, a bit stunned by the description of himself that his soul mate gave and unsure how to respond to it.

 

„Did you bring a file?“ Dean knew his cocky smile was only for show, but Sam didn’t know him well enough to be able to tell. At least Sam shouldn’t be able to see through him, but Sam seemed to not buy his cockiness anyway, throwning and rolling his eyes a bit.

 

„No.“ He sounded annoyed and Dean almost got worried to have scared him off. Despite having run away from him last time to protect him, he was egotistical enough to want to keep him now. After all, this time Sam had come to him. „But I checked your file and there are some things that don’t match up and that we could use to our – your, I mean your advantage.“

 

„Are you a lawyer?“ Dean’s eyes shone in pride. His soul mate was truly smart, obviously.

 

„Yes. I graduated from Stanford.“

 

„Wow.“ Dean didn’t quite understand why this man would waste his time on him. A smart, good member of society and a human disaster like him.

 

„Thank you.“ The answer was smooth and then Sam did a very lawyerly thing by opening a folder with a lot of paper inside. „Are you interested to hear it?“ It seemed safer to talk about that than their bond, which would only lead to chick-flick-moments. And listening might actually help him get out of prison, so Dean agreed.

 

And while a stunned Dean listened with only half an ear to Sam talking about alibis and security footage and deals for fraud, Sam slowly felt a bond grow that he hadn’t known existed yet. And when he was done with his speech, he could see the love and pride in his soul mate’s eyes and realized that he had begun to care as well, which was strange, as he hardly knew the other. But he would do his damnest to get him out of prison. And not because of some bet he had going on with Garth.

 

 

 

 

_How’s the soul mate?_

 

In order to celebrate Dean’s release from prison Sam had prepared a romantic dinner at home: he planned to order pizza. To most people that wouldn’t exactly sound romantic, but Sam couldn’t cook. At all. He once managed to burn spaghetti, and those were cooked in water. So, he preferred the safe way of having someone else prepare their meal.

 

He might be crap as a cook, but he was great at his job. It had taken the lawyer a lot of work, but now Dean was looking at social service and parole, which had been almost unthinkable just a month ago. Despite everything this was going to further Sam’s career and fame as a man to achieve the impossible. He had already acquired two new clients thanks to this case. He really couldn’t complain.

 

Sam had picked up Dean and driven straight home where they sat on the couch and looked at the pizza options. Sam had sat down with a space between them that he considered normal, but the space between them seemed to shrink until they touched nearly from shoulder to knee. It was as if Dean was hungry for every touch, but didn’t quite dare to reach out for some reason and therefore tried to be stealthy. Although stealth wasn’t exactly his strength. Sam considered scooting away, but then decided to indulge his soul mate and to not complain. He didn’t know much about Dean’s life, but what he knew was enough to make him think that he had never received much love. It was up to him now to change that, obviously.

 

Those last few weeks had been hard on Dean. Sometimes seeing Sam, his soul mate, in a cold and empty questioning room and then having to go back to his cell was devastating. Dean could feel their bond a lot stronger than Sam could, probably because unlike the lawyer he thought more with his heart than his head. Sam was his whole reason to live right now and it was hell to be separated from him and not know how he was.

 

He had asked for a photo of him and although Sam had blushed, he had given him one, a simple frontal portrait of his face, smile in place. Dean kept looking at it all the time, much to the amusement of his cell mate Benny. Being reunited with his Sammy after all these horrible, lonely years Dean was determined to make the best of it, even though he still wasn’t sure why the other was in his life in the first place.

 

„Were you happy when growing up?“ Sam looked up from the menu of his favorite pizza place, clearly bewildered by the question that came out of nowhere. To Dean, who had lost his mother at an early age and then moved from motel to motel with his father, this was one of the most important questions he could ever ask.

 

„Yes,“ Sam said. Dean’s smile told him that this was a good answer.

 

„Do you think your parents are going to like me?“ He had seen a nice looking couple in a photo frame that he assumed were Sam’s parents, but the other had never mentioned them. Dean knew very well though that he wasn’t the kind of person you introduced to parents. Or friends. He was the sort of person you enjoyed for a night and then let go.

 

„They are dead.“

 

They had died almost ten years ago in a car accident. It had been right after he started studying to become a lawyer, only two months after he separated from Jessica. In his endless grief and desperation Sam had fallen for Ruby and her illegal drugs. Maybe he would have never gone down that road with Dean by his side. Dean who smiled at him with adoration and did everything to make him feel warm and safe.

 

It really made him want to return the favor, though, to give Dean the love and stability he obviously never had but always craved. The only problem was that Sam was not sure how to do that. Despite being soul mates, he didn’t know much about Dean, only what he learned through the case and on the way home.

 

Like his unhealthy love for his car. The whole ride in Sam’s prius his soul mate had complained about the ‚shittiness’ of his car and lamented about ‚baby’ who was in a storage, a fact that bothered him greatly.

 

_„No one puts Baby in a corner,“ he complained at last, looking truly upset._

_„Swayze? Really?“ Sam (who was the kind of guy who indulged girlfriends by watching chick-flick-movies and maybe enjoyed these movies a bit more than he admitted) didn’t really like the film and he couldn’t imagine that Dean, the tough macho-man, watched Dirty Dancing. It seemed his soul mate hid a softer side._

_„Hey! Swayze always gets a pass,“ Dean defended himself with a raised finger and Sam had to hide a smile_.

 

„I am sorry about your parents,“ Dean’s voice interrupted his musing. Sam shrugged. What could he say? I am sorry too? It was a long time ago? At least I had them while growing up? It all seemed so very inadequate.

 

„Let’s choose a topping,“ he said instead. Dean readily agreed, grabbing the menus from his fingers. This was how Sam learned one more thing about his soul mate Dean: He tended to avoid deep, soul-searching conversations, preferring beer and food.

 

It took them nearly fifteen minutes to agree on a topping, Sam preferring the healthy vegetable options and Dean favoring everything with meat. And their disagreements didn’t stop there. Dean ate like a swine, talking with an open mouth and almost spitting all over the table, which disgusted Sam. On the other hand Dean made fun of him for drinking light beer with less alcohol, obviously not a very manly choice. Sam tried to distract him by suggesting a movie and then they almost got into a fight over who was the better hero – Jet Li or Chuck Norris.

 

„It’s good I am here now, so I can teach you what is right. Better late than never,“ was Dean’s comment. Sam had never hated to be right more than in that moment. He and his soul mate were truly different in every aspect.

 

 

 

 

 

_Why a soul mate?_

 

It took them exactly two years to get into a fight that had them almost separated.

 

Sam had gotten ill, which was a bad start. It only went downhill from there. When he fell in a coma, Dean fell apart. He prayed, something he had not done since his mother had died, and tried to make a deal with any higher entity he could think of. When a doctor offered an experimental treatment it felt as if his prayers had been heard. Sam had very clearly stated that he didn’t want any experiments done on him, but in that moment Dean didn’t care about that. It was his Sammy-darling who lied there in a sickbed, fighting for his life, and losing. He would do whatever it took to save his life.

 

So Dean had signed the paper and the medicine helped Sam. Dean continued to give it to him secretly after his release of the hospital. And while Dean saw the medicine as a miracle, Sam saw his unprompted health as a miracle. Of course that secret could not be kept forever and it led to the most horrid fight they ever had – and Dean had punched Sam in the face at one point in their relationship.

 

Sam felt betrayed, because, in all fairness, he had been lied to for weeks. A decision had been made that he wouldn’t have made that way. He was angry, really beyond himself, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt that way. Of course there had been Ruby, but she was not his soul mate, the love of his life. He knew that Dean could not live without him. Unlike Sam, Dean was a very emotional person, although he hid it well, and he was much more dependent on Sam than Sam was on him. He could never have let Sam die on him, so he didn’t. And he couldn’t bring himself to regret it or apologize for it. To him, it was the right thing to do.

 

„I could not let you die. I could save you. There was a cure and I gave it to you,“ Dean yelled.

 

„Because you are egotistical. You didn’t do this for me, you did this for yourself, because you can’t stand the thought of being alone,“ Sam yelled back.

 

„So what if I can’t stand it? We are soul mates.“

 

„You say that as if it resolved everything, but most problems we had we have because we are soul mates.“ Sam took a calming breath, letting his anger flow out of him, so only a calm bitterness remained. „Maybe we should go separate ways,“ he added in a very quiet voice that sounded somewhat dead even to him.

 

Dean didn’t answer him, just turned around and left the room. It hurt Sam to see him so dejected, but he couldn’t take back his words and he didn’t want to. Instead he turned around and walked away as well. He walked for more than two hours, at a fast pace, thinking about his relationship all the while.

 

Dean and him had had a good time, although they seemed to disagree on a lot of things. But he had someone at his side who had his back, a constant support, who – despite teasing him for his quirks – never judged him. They laughed a lot together, worked well as a team and Dean had become a fixture in his life. He could hardly imagine how it would be without him. And that was when he suddenly felt ice-cold, realizing that maybe Dean would be gone when he got home.

 

No matter how mad he was at him, the thought of going back to living without him was frightening. He knew he could do it, but he didn’t want to. He turned around and began running back home, hoping that Dean hadn’t taken his words seriously and left.

 

It took him no time at all and yet an eternity to arrive back at their little house. He stormed in and upstairs to Dean’s room that he entered without bothering to knock. Dean lay on his bed, headphones on, and looked up at him with a surprised look on his face, obviously confused by what was going on. Relief washed through Sam and he had never been happier about Dean’s dependence on him than now.

 

Sighing he lied down beside his soul mate and cuddled up to him. Dean let it happen, a bit astonished, but also glad that his Sammy had decided to seek closeness again.

 

„I am still mad at you,“ Sam clarified. Dean just nodded. Somehow he would get Sam to forgive him.

 

They kept lying there for the entire night and it took them a few months until everything was back to the way it had been before. But through this experience Sam learned that he adored Dean despite all his quirks – the same few songs the entire time, the singing, the baby-talk about his car, the constant flirting with everyone, the unhealthy eating habits. In the end it didn’t really matter if they were different or not. Because even when they fought, even when Sam downright hated Dean and hurt over something, the thought of losing him was too much to bear. And he always found his way back to him.

 


End file.
